God-sent serial killers looking for their wayward kin. Two isolated, traditional Christian villages are eviscerated by ergot poisoning and the only survivors, Elijah Yoder and Enoch Troyer, set out to the new world to find their brethren who have fallen from the faith generations ago. On their journey they meet LARPERs, ANA/MIAs, a PhD in comparative literature specializing in a subcategory of fanfics called "revolfics", a gaggle of hippies, formerly conjoined twins in a reality TV dating show, an EST-like self-help group, and a corrupt corporation. Each group they meet represents one of the seven "deadly sins". Yoder and Troyer's quest ends in a river of blood. In the end, however, Yoder and Troyer find their way to happiness is not paved with dead bodies.